Someone Asks Lesbian Parents How They Decided Who Would Get Pregnant, 28 Give Honest Answers (2024)

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My wife and I are good friends with a lesbian couple who had one carry the baby while they used the other's egg. Since one carried and the other is genetically the mother they each have a special attachment to the baby. I thought it was really neat

righthanddan , cottonbro Report

My friends decided based on who had the best maternity leave package. Practical!

missfoy , Garon Piceli Report

My wife is 9y older and really wanted bio kids. Our plan was that she’d have one, then I’d have one a few years later w the same donor. BUT she had twins and we don’t want more than 2 kids so I got off easy* :p

except that now we have 3yo twins and exactly 0 things are easy

agentqueequeg , Jelleke Vanooteghem Report

A good friend from college is married with a kid on the way. I asked her and she said it came down to genetics - my friend's wife is BRCA positive (the breast cancer gene), so they agreed my friend should be the biological mother to prevent their kid from having to worry about it.

Notmiefault , Pixabay Report

My lesbian parents tell the story of how they were shopping one day and my birth mom broke down in tears at the sight of baby clothes. That's how they decided.

copfromhellll , Chloe Amaya Report

We haven't had a kid yet, but we plan to in around 5-7 years. My fiancee is having the baby because I am terrified of giving birth and she wants the experience. Easy solution for us.

Silverpie , RODNAE Productions Report

My wife is five years older than me so we agreed she'd go first in case it took a while or we had fertility issues (we didn't know if either of us would have issues as we'd never tried before). We always planned on taking turns though. She gave birth to our daughter last June, and I am 24 weeks pregnant with our son now. Same donor. We did DIY AI.

thetokenranga , mododeolhar Report

We ultimately couldn’t decide, and after investigating the costs of IVF we decided to become foster parents. Which has been really rewarding

JadziaDaxIsBestDax , kindelmedia Report

I have friends who used one wife’s brother as the male donor, so obviously it had to be the other wife carrying.

FindingNemosAnus , Leah Kelley Report

My wife carried both of our two children. Originally, the plan was to carry one each, and I started trying a year after she had our first child. I tried for 18 months and wasn't successful, and we really didn't want a big age gap between our kids, so she tried again - was pregnant on her second attempt.

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed, and a little regretful that we didn't try harder to figure out how to make it happen for me. That being said, we have two healthy, happy kids that I love more than anything, so I wouldn't change a thing.

We were also able to use the same donor for both kids, so they're fully biological siblings. We are also part of an online group of other families who used the donor, so we can share photos of the kids (and make sure no one brings a sibling home one day lol). There are almost 20 of them now, which is cool!

charmedistheone , cottonbro Report

Not a parent but my wife and I are planning in that direction. My wife has no urge to carry a baby and doesn't want to pass her family's medical history on to another generation. I want to experience pregnancy and giving birth. The conversation was incredibly easy for us.

VonAshley , Monstera Report

I was a donor for a coworker and her wife. They went based on who had the better insurance/benefits. Our job had s*** benefits and her wife was a teacher with state benefits and such.

Zarzak_TZ , oleg-magni Report

Since most of these comments are not from actual lesbians -- Hi, lesbian here. My wife and I have an 11 month old son. She carried the baby bc she has better genes (no cystic acne or severe mental illness for starters!) and is a few years younger than me.

Also, I've never wanted to be pregnant for like a gazillion reasons, so many that I could probably write a book, so it was her or no baby!

pseudotimes , michaela-markovicova Report

One of us thinks pregnancy is neato. One thinks it’s a horror show.

TriFeminist , freestocks Report

My aunt's are Lesbian, and they couldn't decide so they both had a kid

CuppaYT , quintingellar Report

I work with a lot of lesbian families. Usually, one might have a stronger desire to bear children so that is the one who does. Sometimes both do, so they may each bear a child. Sometimes it's about genetics and someone with a condition or predisposition may ask the other to bear any children. Sometimes none want to bear children so they adopt, foster, surrogate. It's usually just an honest conversation about who may want to give birth if anyone.

NumerousExplorer , Anna Shvets Report

For us, my wife is a 1.5 year older so she went first.

But honestly after seeing her go through pregnancy and doing breastfeeding I really don’t wanna do it. So she’s carrying my bio baby for baby #2.

MsCardeno , fotios-photos Report

My partner (we are both females) went through IUI treatment today! How did we pick? It was easy, there was not a bone in my body that wanted to experience carrying a child. She is 34, I am 32. So, pretty simple decision for us personally.

luckycharms889 , Dominika Roseclay Report

My wife and I decided based on a few factors, but most importantly on who had the least fertility issues as those might increase the cost of treatments

themeatloafiest Report

Me and my partner are starting the process at the back end of the year. She will carry as I absolutely do not want to carry and couldn’t think of anything worse than pushing out a baby but she really wants to experience pregnancy

ArchaicPirate , Külli Kittus Report

My wife is in the military and didn't want to mess up her body until her contract was close to over, so it fell to me. Plus, I have the desk job with 12 weeks paid maternity leave, while she works part-time in healthcare, standing all of the time, with no benefits. Really didn't feel like there was much of a decision to make with that in mind.

Calyrica , rodnae-prod Report

My wife and I are just starting the process. I am hopefully (keep your fingers crossed) going to carry first. I’m older than her so I’m going first in hopes to catch my eggs before they turn to mush. I had a major blood clot a few years ago so I have to be on blood thinner injections during pregnancy which has made me go from wanting to carry twice to only wanting to carry once (9 months of daily self-injections is a real bummer). We are hopefully both going to carry eventually using the same donor.

JMaple , angela-roma Report

My sister and her wife are in the process of getting pregnant.

My sister in law has always wanted to get pregnant and my sister honestly has no desire to be pregnant so I guess it was an easy choice for them.

tlr92 , wildlittlethingsphoto Report

My moms are gay. One was a bit older and just never wanted to be pregnant, and the other wanted to be pregnant. It worked out really well that way.

klymene , lucasmendesph Report

We both decided to carry a baby (at separate times). They are biologically related since we used the same donor.

I think the deciding factors were age, genetics and "desire" to go through a pregnancy. My wife had a harder time getting pregnant and sadly lost two babies during pregnancy. During those hard times we had discussed on several occasions that adoption was also an equally desirable option for our family.

gen_visser , Anna Report

For my wife and I it was an easy choice. I wanted to carry a baby, and she was indifferent to that aspect of being a mother. She was willing to carry if I for some reason couldn’t, but luckily we didn’t have to cross that bridge!

We also used an anonymous donor, so there was no genetic aspect to worry about.

ncm1784 , ketut-subiyanto Report

My son is from a donor that others used too. One set of mommies each had one. I think it’s totally cool. They each have a mini.

battle-kitteh , mart-production Report

Hi, I'm an aspiring lesbian parent. My partner and I have discussed that I will carry first, as I don't have any underlying health conditions. She will attempt to carry second (we're hopefull), but she has pcos, so we will reasses when we're going through it.

brynleeholsis , sarah-chai Report

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